A Note on Mother's Day from Ricky's Mom

With Mother's Day approaching, I am thinking about what it means to be a mom.  It is such a short little word- Ma, Mom, Mama.  Everyone says the meaning changes once you become one, but the idea of a person bringing life into the world surely holds great meaning to everyone.  So, at the very least, a mother is the giver of life, but oh how much more is given! First, being a mom means giving your body to be the vessel for a tiny life to grow.  A woman must nurture and care for this life before she even knows it, and the concept of selflessness begins.   Being a mom means giving your time in order to prepare for this new life as it grows each day and forever more.  Perhaps there are doctor visits, shopping trips, books to read, and rooms to remodel at home, and that is before the baby even arrives.  Time will no longer be your own, and it will begin to fly by.  Being a mom means giving your mind to this process, which may show up as forgetfulness, fear, tears of joy and sadness, or sheer anticipation and excitement.  Being a mom means giving your relationships an overhaul as they will forever be changed as the concept of family expands.   But most of all, being a mom means giving your heart to this new little heartbeat.  Then, when this new life arrives, this life that she has created, nurtured, grown, and birthed, she gives even more of her heart than she ever knew was possible.

So what does it mean to me to be a mom?  It means all of this and so much more.  Being a mom means turning the dial all the way up on every physical and emotional feeling I have.  Joy, fear, excitement, exhaustion, hunger, anticipation, worry, love...all have new meaning!  Being a mom means discovering the magical connection between the body and the mind.  As a mom I am strong, able to endure more physical pain that I ever thought I could, yet I am gentle enough to hold this tiny new baby in my hands.  As a mom, I am resilient and natural instincts on how to comfort and protect this new life emerge, yet I am so emotionally fragile and delicate I will cry for what seems to be no reason, but there are so many reasons.  Being a mom means feeling every emotion so deep that my stomach actually hurts when my baby cries, and my heart literally flutters with joy when my baby smiles.  Now that I am a mom I get neck aches just from looking down at him as he nurses because I cannot seem to take my eyes off his beautiful face.  Now, I innately wakes up 5 minutes before my baby starts to stir, and I feel a let down when my baby cries, even if I am not near.   As a mom, I can recognize the potential dangers in any room, while still developing the ability to turn a simple household object like a cup into the coolest form of entertainment.  I suddenly notice every tree, bird, color, and sound, just to point it out to my baby.  I must introduce this new life to the entire world!  Suddenly the world seems very big with endless possibilities, while day to day it can feel isolating and even lonely.  But, I am not alone.  In fact, I will never be alone again because I have a new partner in life.  This new life, my little baby, who will eventually grow, but will always have part of me.

This is how I feel now, as a new mom.  My ability to love and be loved has grown greater than I could ever imagine.  I am responsible for another life, and needed, and wanted unconditionally.  I must be available and able at any moment to give more of myself, even if I am tired or sick or scared.  This little boy, my baby, loves me just for being me.  He does not care if I have messy hair, or clean clothes.  He does not care if I mess up the words to a song or dance funny.  In fact, he loves all of these things about me!  He loves to play with my toes, even though they are uneven and conventionally "unattractive."  He loves touching my face and playing with my birthmarks.  He loves laying on my soft tummy and listening to me sing out of tune.  He loves to be with me, all the time, for no reason other than I am his mama.  So, as a mom, I am loved.  I am not only good enough, but I am perfect for this little boy.  And of course I think he is perfection, an angel, gifted to me.  He is everything I never even knew I needed.  When I hold him, I know I am right where I need to be.  He fits so perfectly in my arms, with his head on my shoulder and his little arms wrapped around me.  We were made for each other.

Seeing myself and my husband in this little boy unveiled a new appreciation for all our traits, physical and personality.  Perhaps what I once thought of as a flaw in myself is now the most adorable miracle.  As a mom, I can recognize every curve of his face: my dimple on his right cheek, my husband's dimple on his chin, the way the corners of his eyes turn slightly downwards when he smiles just like daddy...all of this is us.  He is ticklish in the same spots that I am, and he yawns so big just like me.  I can see that this little boy is watching everything we do and hears everything we say.  So, as a mom, I feel an immense responsibility.  He is not only mine or ours.  He is part of this world and it is my duty, obligation, and greatest desire to raise this little boy to be more than my wonderful son.  I am his mom, and so I will try harder than I have ever tried before to show him how to love and be loved.  I will show him how to be a friend, a partner, a co-worker, a team-mate, a boss, a leader, a man, a good person.  I will show him how to be kind, strong, compassionate, resilient, considerate, and loyal.   But, I will not do this alone. 

We can say that being a Mother is an innate ability, but I believe I am the mom I am now because of all the wonderful mothers I have had the privilege to learn from.  Of course my own mom, and her mom (my Busia) have had the greatest ability to influence me and share their experiences.  But, my mother-in-law, my aunts, my friend's moms, my own friends that are now mamas too, my coworkers, and my husband!...they have all helped guide me in this process into motherhood. Whether it was helping raise me as a child, hugging me when I needed comfort and support, celebrating my accomplishments, drinking wine and sharing funny stories, bringing over meals postpartum, or responding to anxious 2am messages, the tribe of people around me is the greatest source of love and support.  They are all part of who I am as a mom.

This year I am a mom! I will never be perfect but will always try my hardest, and I will always see perfection in my baby boy.  So on Mother's Day, I want to say thank you to everyone who helped make me the mother I am today. To my husband, you are the best partner, and I love this new life with you. But the biggest thank you and affection will forever go to my son, my baby boy, the greatest love of my life; thank you for picking me to be your mama.